"I'm going back to the start"

Xmas/ Winter break
So life in a V&G Lair is pretty tame once you've been around the world once or twice but maybe something tame is what i need. A break is a welcome change though a change i hadn't expected was feeling wierd about not being outside of the lair :/

Why is it that what i want is what i hate?

How you love to toy with me! Make me love being home alone now i hate the thought of it!
Make me love junk food and being lazy now its sick and i hate not doing anything (watching japanese dramas all day in bed doesnt count!)

Why is it that what we want isn't what we want at all? Why do we ever want it in the first place? Are these preconcieved notions of what we want opposed to what we need so far fetched and have such high expectations that once recieve what we wanted all along........
We dont want it at all?

Maybe going off on a tangent was the wrong way to go
SO CHRISTMAS HAS COME AND GONE
and normally I'd be a little more excited but im not
Christmas was neve a huge event with us, yeah freaking out over presents and all but once you got them all then what? Meh I dont know maybe its jsut getting older means its less exciting
I knew what most of what i got was HELL i wrapped my own presents @-@ i didnt look in the box it came in but i wrapped it!

SURE IT WAS FUN

the day before, the day of, and the day after, hell even the day after the day after was fun but..............really im such a in the moment person that even though they were fun right now im just feeling so meh about it because nothing is happening now :/

Maybe there's something wrong, selfish, stupid about it because if i were to have something to do tonight, i would decline because i've been out so much and been with friends and people that going out again today would just seen wrong.

Life in stride i suppose,
All in due time
Under no stress to change
Grabbing whatever happiness i can
Happily and enjoying each moment
i can indeed laugh ^ . ^ ok yes that was lame

haha but it made me feel good inside so its ok
I'm in no hurry to "grow up" or act "normal" like a normal girl my age would act but, I dont hurt anyone with how i act, in fact i like to think i help people by acting this was so who knows maybe im mature in a different way and who knows


maybe ill look good when im 50 since i dont drink, smoke, or have bad habits aside from eating junk food :)